All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We need to get me chipped asap
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