Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Two words: blizzard sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
