Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
