i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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