ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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