I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
