dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
