My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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