Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
