Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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