he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
