I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
