Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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