dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize