so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize