make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
