It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
