Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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