chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
