The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
