it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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