margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have aggressive nipples.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize