Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
