and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
