i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Less talking, more tequila
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
