Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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