Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
