Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
