dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize