i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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