It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize