just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Text me some of your sweat
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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