Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
