At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
