He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
