last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
