I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize