just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
