then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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