She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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