summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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