I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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