I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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