my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
