I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize