If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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