a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
