Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
