just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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