Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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