you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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