i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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