Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
