i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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