I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
