So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
