the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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