I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
