I heard we made out
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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