I want to have your abortion
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
