Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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