return my video game
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
