dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
