There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
