Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My vagina is officially offended.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
