Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
